When Your Smile is Hiding Your Fears

Be kind. Be gentle. Be patient.

See this picture on the left?
That’s Jon and me at the Emmy awards in 2003.
Don’t we look fancy?
Don’t we look happy?
 
Well, we might have LOOKED fancy… but inside, we were freaking out.
 
When we arrived at the Emmy awards, where I was nominated for a regional Emmy, we were having fun… we were enjoying being dressed up…
 
We were also newly pregnant.
 
And while we were there, enjoying the excitement and fun of an awards party, I started bleeding…
The signal that I’d become all too familiar with.
The sign that this pregnancy wasn’t going to last, either.
Just like all the others.
 
I had to smile. And laugh. And carry on conversations.
All while my heart was breaking.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to yell.
I wanted to break down.
 
But I couldn’t.
And neither could Jon.
So we leaned on each other and made it through the evening.
Driving home in quiet.
Praying all the way.
 
The next day was Mother’s Day.
Still spotting.
 
Convinced this was some cruel joke the universe was pulling on me.
Miscarrying on Mother’s Day.
That’s rich.
The next day we had an ultrasound.
And we saw it.
A heartbeat.
 
A tiny little fetus…. and a heartbeat.
The heart that’s beating now in that young man on the right.
I will never take that little heartbeat for granted.
 
There will be times when you don’t realize the person smiling at you is fighting a battle in their mind.
 
Be kind.
Be gentle.
Be patient.

Mother’s Day : Mixed Emotions

Me and my boys

Me and my boys

Mother’s Day.

This is a tough one for me.

I kind of avoid social media on Mother’s Day.
I have mixed emotions about it.

When I was in my late 20s, we started trying to get pregnant.
We spent 2+ years getting pregnant and then miscarrying.

I didn’t get pregnant easily….
and I didn’t stay pregnant easily.

It sucked.
I hated my body.
It betrayed me over and over and over again.

I always thought I’d have this life where when I decided to get pregnant, I’d get AND STAY pregnant.

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Reading Suggestions for Your Heart & Mind

Having a hard time finding a personal development book? Here are some suggestions...

What Do I Read For...

Are you having trouble finding your next book to read? Or struggling with an area of your life and just need a little push in the right direction? Below you’ll find some suggestions – based on books I’ve read that I’ve found to help me in many different parts of my life. From parenting, to nutrition, to leading, to social media, to faith… I’ve gathered all of my suggestions together for you. Please let me know if you’ve read any of these – or if you’re going to dive into one and start reading soon!

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They are my reason. Not my excuse.

My boys, my reasonThe thought of ever leaving these two without a mom is enough to make me FIGHT LIKE HELL to stay healthy.

When my youngest was born, we had a big scare. A moment of losing my peripheral vision while recovering from my c-section sent nurses flying in to my hospital room and weeks of follow up tests.

It turns out it was an easily explained aura that sometimes accompanies migraines… and migraines can happen when you go through big hormonal changes. Makes sense.

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3 Books that Helped my Mama Heart

Tonight I had the chance to talk about the 3 books that helped my mama heart on Periscope. Are you on Periscope? Do you know what it is?

Ok – first up, it’s an awesome smart phone app that allows you to LIVE BROADCAST and watch others’ live broadcasts… and while you might think at first that it’s going to be lame broadcasts of people just hanging out – but if you follow the RIGHT people, it’s not. You can find all kinds of helpful info and periscopers who are just there to share their knowledge. It’s amazing! You can find me there by searching @MissyFitGleason 🙂

So I decided to walk through 3 books that really spoke to my heart, as a mom. These books have helped me realize that we’re all just winging it, and we’re doing the best we can with what we have. We’re mothers to OUR children for a reason – we’re the perfect mother for them <3

Ok! To the reading – 3 books for moms! Onward!!Screen Shot 2015-09-04 at 8.04.42 PM

Carry On, Warrior : The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life by Glennon Melton

This book. THIS BOOK. Oh my goodness. It’s rip out your heart and then mend it back together with laughter. That’s the best way I can explain it. Glennon is best known in the blogging world as Momastery and she’s full of heart and hilarity. She overcame addiction – and found a life of passion for writing and helping others. I can’t say it enough. She will crack you up and make you cry tears. Go buy her book.

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The Day I Thought I’d Never Be a Mother

My struggle with multiple miscarriages

One of my darkest days, was Mother’s Day, 12 years ago.
Once upon a time, I thought I was never going to be a mom – Doomed to have miscarriage after miscarriage. In fact, it was Mother’s Day 2003 when I was convinced I was having yet another miscarriage. I’d already had 3. I wasn’t a mom. I was pregnant and scared and experiencing the symptoms of miscarriage that I’d had many times before.

I was ANGRY. I hated pregnant women. I was envious of my friends who were moms. I was consumed with my anger and frustration at my body, which seemed to betray me after ever positive pregnancy test.

Despite my symptoms, that Mother’s Day did NOT end in a miscarriage. My physician rushed me in to his office on Monday morning to do an ultrasound and lo and behold, we had a heartbeat. That heartbeat belongs to my oldest. My fighter. My kindhearted Connor.
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Fast forward to 2008, when this photo was taken. We didn’t stop having miscarriages. We had more after we were blessed with Connor – and then this little guy was a total surprise. I thought we were going to be a family of 3… and I was happy with that life… and then Mr. Harrison stuck. Another fighter. Another little boy. A hilarious and sweet little man. Another blessing in the revolving door of positive pregnancy tests, loss of pregnancy symptoms and crushing grief.

Why am I sharing this? This is a health & fitness page, right? Yes. Yes it is. It’s also a place for me to share my struggles and victories in the hopes that they will help and inspire others – and the struggle of becoming a mom is definitely a BIG part of my strength today.

So to all of the mamas out there – and those who hold that dream of being a mom one day. You are not alone. Happy Mother’s Day.